Posted in Life

Mid-Summer

The summer is flying by too quickly for me. On one hand I have loved getting to spend a lot of time with Lily. We have gone to the library, played games and gone to the pool escaping the Texas heat. Even took a mini vacation to San Antonio for a few days which was awesome. On the other hand, I am ready to get back to teaching. Remind me of that when I have just finished spring break and my kids are crazy! I have many cool ideas this year that I can’t wait to implement. Changing my room up just a little for some fun and adventure.

I also have been back to my writing. Now I refuse to set any schedule for myself and when I feel the desire, I go to paper. I had to redo my unnamed series to send back to my publisher for consideration. At first, I wasn’t going to do it, but then I decided to give it another look over. To my amazement, the story is writing itself all over again, bigger and better than I could have hoped for. There is no pressure, no competition, it is just me and pencil developing a story that would be great for all ages since Jean Stone is very adult oriented. I already have some beta readers ready to read.

Today I uploaded pictures from the book party to my social media. It was nice to look back and relive that night all over again. Friends and family were there to support me and watch as I got some surprising news that I will reveal late this year, early next year.

A year ago I started this crazy unconventional journey. I have discovered a lot about myself along the way. I have grown, changed for the better, and learned a lot about the writing world which can be brutal and unforgiving. But here is the thing, I am me. I write because I enjoy the outlet to escape to an unknown world for a while. I write to show my daughter that anything is possible regardless of age or gender. I write because I enjoy it.

Now head on over to my Facebook page, www.facebook.com/jeanstoneseries to check out the photos.

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Posted in Life

Guess whose back?

Guess my indefinite hiatus ended up being a short mini vacation. Nah in all fairness, I truly believed that I needed this break to be able to reevaluate myself and my life. I needed this time to put my priorities in order and get my life out of the chaos and into some sense of functionality.

As I noted before, Master’s school didn’t work out for me. No matter how much I tried, nothing seem to fit. Everything just seemed off. I was trying to be excited, but you know that voice in the back of my mind was screaming at me…”HEY WAKE UP” So I walked away actually relieved in the end. To my surprise, our school gave out raises that were more than if I would have gotten earning my degree. Life has a tendency to throw things like that out at you and then you look back and see how the planets were aligning for this to happen, you just needed to drift, wait, and obey.

When school ended, I figured I would just lounge at the pool, read books, and take naps. Let me tell you I have been doing just that for the last few weeks. It has been GLORIOUS! After my last 5K, I herniated a disk in my neck to which lead me to yoga. Now let me tell you, this has been my god send in my life. Daily I go to the mat, meditate, and find myself. It is my time to work on me. Here I have learned to love what I see, spread positive energy, and find a balance in my life. When I started Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube, I had no idea just how much this would change my life, but it has and for the better. I look forward to finding my daily inner goddess and continuing to work on all parts of me, body, mind, and soul.

So since I walked away for a while, I didn’t think much about writing, but it kept popping up around me. People saying how much they loved the book, when does the next one come out, are you writing again, etc. Even the last day of school my principal asked if I was writing this summer. I kinda pushed it away because I was not ready to deal with that just yet. Honestly, I had lost the ability, the creativity was gone.

Last week, my mom randomly asked me for copies of Jean Stone. I keep a few stashed away. And she sent a message…I do hope you continue writing.

At first I pushed the thought aside, but then I started wondering could I write again? My books stashed in my bottom dresser drawer began to be noticeable again. Then all the negative feelings came back in my head. And for the first time, I told those thoughts to go to hell. I am creative, I am a writer, I am an author. They only person I have to please is myself.

So I brought them back out and the words began to flow freely. Where this will lead me I do not know, but I look forward to the adventure and joy of continuing to write and publish my series.

Posted in Life

Honesty

When I gave my worries to the Lord, I had to be ready for what I would hear even knowing that it could be something completely out of left field. HE knows my purpose, not me. When I started this journey of writing a year ago, it was a way to escape the world during my darkest hours. I was lost, unsure, and in trouble. I felt God had forsaken me, left me behind when I needed him the most. My cookie cutter life was falling apart and I didn’t know what to do. I was losing my mind, my husband, and my daughter.

At my darkest hour, writing brought me through where I was. You see I never told one family member or friend what I was going through in my life. So my writing allowed me to get all my thoughts on paper of a life I always dreamed of, but as I wrote, my life came out in its pages, more than I ever thought possible. It was my hopes and dreams, but also my sorrows and my deepest fears. Jean’s life was following apart and so was my own.

By October I made one of the most difficult decisions and that was to get help. Through time, some medication, and lots of prayer, I am slowly becoming myself again. I still struggle with day to day life as an adult with ADD and anxiety, but for the most part I handle it the best I can. Then I noticed how much the media marketing was affecting my mood. Anyone who is a new and upcoming writer knows the only way to get your book out there is to BE OUT THERE on social media. As a person who grew up with Myspace, I found it intimidating and very unpleasant. The more I was posting, the more I was losing myself piece by piece.

Then I realized as I got better, writing wasn’t bringing me the joy and relief it once had in my life. Not more than six months ago, I was so happy to have signed a book deal. I was going to be an author, but as the day approached, I found myself with more anxiety than happiness. Book release day came along with the party, but I found myself still not all there.

Then the problems began with formatting, editing, the reviews, the judgment, the negativity and I found myself in back to back panic attacks. Is this what I was going to have to do just to publish a book? You see I am a teacher and love my career, but I was going to have to choose, just like Jean was going to, either be a teacher or a writer, because I CAN NOT do both. My family was suffering and so was I.

This past weekend, I went to mother daughter camp with my sweet one to reconnect after such a broken year. What I found was peace and hearing God’s word on my heart. My family needs me, my little girl needs her momma to be present and spend those moments with her and not worrying what some stranger thinks or feels about my book. Instead of presenting myself to the world, I need to spent that time raising my daughter and taking care of my husband along with myself.

In the next week, I am going to deactivate all my author social media accounts, but Jean Stone’s will remain handled by my publisher. Book 1 will be back up in a few weeks depending on how long it takes to get through the mess. Book 2 will still be out in August, but as of this moment, my writing is on hiatus indefinitely. While some may see this as giving up, I see this as a story with a happy ending. You see, I got my family back which is worth more than any silver or gold in this world. As well as I recommited myself to the Lord and when he decides I need to write again, he will let me know. My little girl is only 8 once and I want to spend the rest of the year with her. My website will remain up, I still enjoy blogging and who knows what the future holds.

Thank you again for those who supported and followed along in my journey. I met some amazing people who I hope to keep up with in the near future.

Go with GOD and be blessed.

photo of bonfire
Photo by rasik on Pexels.com

Posted in Life

Busy week

A LOT has happened in the last few days, so much that today as I reflect on everything, I am a little overwhelmed.

First off I WON a Freewrite. I reblogged the post from Tory  Hunter Books https://toryhunterbooks.com/2019/02/08/the-big-10k-giveaway-winner-and-other-news/ if you are interested in taking a look.

Second, today I ran my first 5K and finished! This was a last minute decision by my friend and I. I was already training for one in March for my school district, but was definitely not where I should be, but it was a good cause and from this I would be able to judge where I stood. All I wanted to do was finish and run the whole thing and I DID! With my fastest time to date. Now to work up to March.

Last but certainly not least, my book baby arrived. For me to physcially hold my novel in my hand was a moment that I won’t forget. The best part was I got to share it with my daughter. She has been waiting to finally see the finished book and immediately sat down to read the first chapter.

If nothing more, I hope I show my daughter than even at 35, you can achieve your dreams. She is my inspiration, my muse. The reason I work so hard. Thank you to everybody that has made all this possible especially my publisher, JSmith Publishing. Without them, this dream would not be a reality. Check out the video below to see the book reveal.

 

Posted in Life

Happy Balance

brown book page
Photo by Wendy van Zyl on Pexels.com

Today I find myself home sick with sinus issues. Weird Texas weather can not make up its mind if it wants to be winter or spring. Doesn’t help I teach either. My kids love to bring me a host of viruses just waiting for their opportunity to battle my immune system.

Last Sunday I wrote a post about plans. We all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I have been doing my best to pray and listen to God about what HIS plans are for me.

Being a teacher isn’t the easiest gig in the world. Yes we get off holidays and summers, but with all the testing that is required by the states, constant funding worries, and the collapse of the education system as a whole, has most of us teachers stressed to the max. Constant training, mounds of paperwork, and worrying about our students has many teachers leaving the profession in large numbers since teaching the students is no longer the main concern, it is how to we get these kids to pass the test! But it can not be that simple, well it is sadly. All students in the state of Texas must pass 5 STAAR test to graduate, 2 English, 1 Math, 1 Science, and 1 History. Every child takes the same test REGARDLESS of their needs although we are told that we must differentiate our instruction. This year for me has been especially difficult as I teach ESL. My poor students basically set up to fail, it breaks my heart. I am only in my 2nd year of teaching and my heart wonders if I am in the right place. For that I continue to pray, as I need to have a good home life and work balance. Like the saying goes, if momma ain’t happy, nobody happy.

Back to the plans. I have prayed everyday and asked others to pray for me that I would hear God and know what to do. Well wouldn’t you know it, while in church Sunday listening to the Youth Pastor talk about needing volunteers to teach the students, he spoke to me. That is where you need to be Morgan. At first I questioned it, like really?? Me?? This isn’t my forte, I barely remember any of the stories…. Ok God, I hear ya. So after church, I gave the youth minister my phone number and said I am here to help. I may not know what I am doing, but I know God won’t leave me behind.

As for my writing, well it is at a stale mate for now. With the book release in a few weeks and needing to storyboard edit Book 2, I have too much on my plate and on my mind to write well.

For now I continue to listen and follow HIS plans.

 

Posted in Life

Time in the World

I should be storyboard editing my second book, but I found myself coming to my blog to write some thoughts down.

I realize today I haven’t written much of my 3rd book in a few weeks. Honestly other than writng in my journal or on here, I haven’t really put pencil to paper. Why? Who knows? Writing isn’t my first job, it is Teaching. Then I also have a family. For now I have been focusing more on #selflove and my family than writing. My daughter and husband need me to be present and well hell I am a work in progress. Those two are my biggest supporters through it all and when they need me, then everything else can wait.

Even though this is a hobby, with my book coming out in 20 days there is a lot of behind the scenes work going on for the launch to be successful. To be truthful, I didn’t realize how much work went into AFTER the writing. This has been a learning process for sure. Even through the hard times and stress, I am grateful for this opportunity to publish my book. It still doesn’t seem real to me that this is all finally happening. My daughter is now writing her 1st book at 8. I am so proud of her and if nothing else, I hope that I have inspired her to live out her dreams no matter how long it takes.

I love writing and when the motivation strikes again, I will reach for the paper and pencil and continue to work on the harrowing adventures of Jean Stone. But for now, an 8 year old needs me to read her story and for that I have all the time in the world.

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