Posted in Life

Honesty

When I gave my worries to the Lord, I had to be ready for what I would hear even knowing that it could be something completely out of left field. HE knows my purpose, not me. When I started this journey of writing a year ago, it was a way to escape the world during my darkest hours. I was lost, unsure, and in trouble. I felt God had forsaken me, left me behind when I needed him the most. My cookie cutter life was falling apart and I didn’t know what to do. I was losing my mind, my husband, and my daughter.

At my darkest hour, writing brought me through where I was. You see I never told one family member or friend what I was going through in my life. So my writing allowed me to get all my thoughts on paper of a life I always dreamed of, but as I wrote, my life came out in its pages, more than I ever thought possible. It was my hopes and dreams, but also my sorrows and my deepest fears. Jean’s life was following apart and so was my own.

By October I made one of the most difficult decisions and that was to get help. Through time, some medication, and lots of prayer, I am slowly becoming myself again. I still struggle with day to day life as an adult with ADD and anxiety, but for the most part I handle it the best I can. Then I noticed how much the media marketing was affecting my mood. Anyone who is a new and upcoming writer knows the only way to get your book out there is to BE OUT THERE on social media. As a person who grew up with Myspace, I found it intimidating and very unpleasant. The more I was posting, the more I was losing myself piece by piece.

Then I realized as I got better, writing wasn’t bringing me the joy and relief it once had in my life. Not more than six months ago, I was so happy to have signed a book deal. I was going to be an author, but as the day approached, I found myself with more anxiety than happiness. Book release day came along with the party, but I found myself still not all there.

Then the problems began with formatting, editing, the reviews, the judgment, the negativity and I found myself in back to back panic attacks. Is this what I was going to have to do just to publish a book? You see I am a teacher and love my career, but I was going to have to choose, just like Jean was going to, either be a teacher or a writer, because I CAN NOT do both. My family was suffering and so was I.

This past weekend, I went to mother daughter camp with my sweet one to reconnect after such a broken year. What I found was peace and hearing God’s word on my heart. My family needs me, my little girl needs her momma to be present and spend those moments with her and not worrying what some stranger thinks or feels about my book. Instead of presenting myself to the world, I need to spent that time raising my daughter and taking care of my husband along with myself.

In the next week, I am going to deactivate all my author social media accounts, but Jean Stone’s will remain handled by my publisher. Book 1 will be back up in a few weeks depending on how long it takes to get through the mess. Book 2 will still be out in August, but as of this moment, my writing is on hiatus indefinitely. While some may see this as giving up, I see this as a story with a happy ending. You see, I got my family back which is worth more than any silver or gold in this world. As well as I recommited myself to the Lord and when he decides I need to write again, he will let me know. My little girl is only 8 once and I want to spend the rest of the year with her. My website will remain up, I still enjoy blogging and who knows what the future holds.

Thank you again for those who supported and followed along in my journey. I met some amazing people who I hope to keep up with in the near future.

Go with GOD and be blessed.

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Posted in Life

Life Changing

It has been 8 days since Jean Stone was released to the world. As I sit and reflect on those days, I realize a lot of things have changed.

I still have NO idea what I am doing in this industry, but I enjoy writing and that is all that matters to me. I have met some really wonderful people along this journey and for that I am blessed. The reviews I am getting seem to be positive so I am going to ride the wave and enjoy. As announced, my 2nd book will be out in late August. Currently, I am finishing the storyboarding part and cutting down what I think is way too many back stories in there so that the editor can work on her.

There is another work in progress, but I am not ready to tell the world just yet. New opportunites have been presented to me and I am doing my best to weigh what is good for my family and my full time job as a teacher. For now I get to take a step back for a few months and just be before promotion begins again. For success in this industry, you have to market yourself, put yourself out there and let me tell you out of everything (besides editing), I dislike that the most.

There has been some rough news in our immediate family as of last week, if anything I realize life is short and you can’t take it for granted. My mom has had a rough year, personally and I have decided in the fall we are taking a girls trip to Disney World. Just my mom, myself, and lily. This is her time to escape the world and enjoy. It is also to say thank you for all the things she has done for me. She moved her to help us with Lily and of course to be around her only grandchild. She does so much with no thought of rewards or thank yous. After this last bit of hard to swallow news she got, I decided to take her away just for a few days as sadly time is of the essence. If you pray, say some for her as she weathers this new season.

Also, thank you to everybody who has made Jean Stone a success. Thank to those who have bought and loved Jean’s story as much as I loved writing it. Book 2 is going to continue her journey of balancing life and work, or at least trying. Can she solve this cold case or will she lose her family in the end?

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