Posted in Uncategorized

More Money More Problems

Enough is enough!

At some point you have to stop and realize what is important in life, what works for your family dynamic, and ultimately what makes you happy. Today was my breaking point. Another bad review, another problem with my book. Today, I threw my hands up in the air! Really, it seems that since the book has come out, it is one problem after another and I am over it! My stress has gone through the roof and for what? I trusted and had faith in the process of the people who were my team to handle things and now I feel like I didn’t do my due diligence. As of today, I am contemplating leaving the publishing world for a break to live and not worry.

Being a published writer was not my ultimate dream, it was suppose to be a fun side project to do and I find myself with more gray hairs and less money. Yes I am grateful for the experience, yes I am grateful for the privilege to meet new people, but I am not happy to spend every moment outside of my career as a teacher fixing other things. I do that all day here. My blog will remain as I enjoy this, will keep up with my team work on a life coaching magazine, and create short stories to read for fun. For me I am contemplating a move, I think self-publishing is the way to go at least for the time being and for my lifestyle. Here I can create my own timeline and work how I please. Getting back to the basics where writing is fun again and not such a chore. As always, I will go to God with my concerns, but self love has to start with me. My family needs me and I need them.

Photo by Josh Sorenson on Pexels.com

This may just be another adventure that I have in life that I can reflect on. A few weeks ago, it was laid on my heart to self publisher like my grandfather did in the 90’s, a pioneer before his time. Now that voice is stronger and I believe I am where I need to be. Even though it isn’t the easiest decision, I am at peace and am surrounded my friends and family who support me and a daughter who is excited to be apart of the process.

As always stay tuned….

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Posted in Life

My heart

A few days ago, a post popped up on Facebook. It was from a country artist I have followed over the years will a blog about the anniversary of his wife’s passing. A few years ago, I read a heart felt blog about how this beautiful young mother had decided to stop treatment for her cancer and was going home to live out her days with her family. Joey Feek was a name that I had heard before in the music world as I loved her duet song with her husband, Rory called Cheater Cheater.

Now I don’t keep up with artist personal lives, but that day I stopped and read about the birth of their beautiful daughter, Indiana, her first bout of cancer and then a subsequent diagnosis a short time later that ended up being terminal. Having a young daughter myself, I cried my eyes out for this family I barely knew as they dealt with the difficult task of saying goodbye. I would mourn her death a few short months later praying for her husband and daughter. I sorta kept up with them afterwards for what reason, I don’t know, but I found myself following along with the story. In 2016, the documentary, To Joey with Love, was released in which I was able to watch with a giant box of tissues. I remember thinking, I wish I had her faith in God. I wish I could be that selfless and strong for my family. Yesterday, I watched it again, and again I cried, but this time it was different for me. When they decided to take a year off the road and raise their daughter, they also decided to homestead, living off their land and growing close with the town they lived in.

Why does this resonate with me? Because my dream has always been to have a house on some land and homestead myself. If you know me, you would think, Morgan, you? I don’t see that happening. Could you live without internet, tv? You write, you teach why retreat to the land?

Simple, to live an authentic life. To cook the food I grow, stop the hustle and bustle of life, and grow closer with God. Life has so many interferences. While working is vital and I have no plan to quit teaching or writing, I am tired of the keeping up with the jones part of life.

While yes technology is great for somethings, it takes us away from being present. A necessary evil so to speak. I am just as guilty of coming home and scrolling through the pages of mindless news, everything negative and bad, no joy. Yet like a train wreck, I can not turn away and find myself yearning to turn the screen back on. Did I post enough today? Did it reach enough people? Did I interact? How many likes? Seriously, that is my concern?

God has a wonderful sense of humor, while writing this post, my internet went out for over an hour. At first I was furious, I really wanted to talk about this stuff and here technology failed and then I laughed as I realized, HE was giving me a reality check. Yes I could live without internet, but it was going to be harder than it seemed.Oh but what an adventure it would be. Now do not get me wrong, I have had a wonderful life. I am just yearning for a life of more moments and less materials.

I feel I am missing out on life just trying to keep up with it. Working to the bone and for what? Possessions I won’t be able to take with me, a house that is always cluttered because we need this or that, hoping someday to stop the rat race of life. Turning to social media to have relationships when people are right in front of me. Who have I become?

Lately I have been asking what is next when I should be asking myself what is his plan? God’s plan is already there waiting for me. I need to stop looking for the next best thing and be like Joey, relying on my faith in God.

The Feek’s put their faith in that God had a great story for them. He did, a story that inspired many like myself over the years. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but HE does and like The Feeks, I will put my faith that God has a great story for me. I just need to have a little faith.

Posted in Life

Support Tribe

One day after the release of Jean Stone, I am reflecting on where I started and where I am at now.

A year ago, I was struggling with a broken marriage, tackling my first year as a teacher, and a loss of self. To put it plainly, I was uphappy. For 13 years, I was a Navy wife and now I was lost adrift at sea in my own mind.

Today I am a published author. Wow I guess I have to get use to saying that. My writing is a way to escape the world and do what I love. I have no intention of quitting teaching anytime soon as my students need me and I need them. They are apart of me and I am not ready to give that up just yet.

The last 24 hours have been a dream and I am soaking up the moment. The well-wishers, the support, and the congratulations. Do not worry, Book 2 is already done and in storyboarding. Jean Stone is going to be around for while. She has a lot of stories to tell and share. Last night I got to share it with my dad and my step mom. While the last year hasn’t been the greatest, those who love and support me have been there to listen to my whining, complaining, and be a shoulder for me when I didn’t think I could go any further.

It is thanks to my support tribe this has been possible, from Jordan my publisher, to Stephanie my beta reader, to Donna my mentor, and my family and friends. It is because of my tribe here were our rankings this morning:

My husband has been the rock in all this. Our marriage was falling apart and yet he stood by me through it all. Today I am happy to say things are better and we are rebuilding what is broken a day at a time. He is proud of all my hard work as well as my daughter who I think is sometimes most excited than I am through it all. She herself is an aspired writer working hard at her skill. The next installment of her dragon story should be out soon.

In interviews, I am always asked about advice for writing. Now I say two things:

Write for yourself and nobody else.

Find your support tribe to be there for you.

Now I am headed back to folding laundry, cleaning the house, and snuggling with my dog before the party. See even though I am a published author, my first jobs are mom and wife.

Did I mention I was in my hometown newspaper yesterday too??? Go check it out!

http://theparisnews.com/free/article_e35db9ca-36c3-11e9-860a-7324b54d5bb3.html

 

Posted in Life

Happy Balance

brown book page
Photo by Wendy van Zyl on Pexels.com

Today I find myself home sick with sinus issues. Weird Texas weather can not make up its mind if it wants to be winter or spring. Doesn’t help I teach either. My kids love to bring me a host of viruses just waiting for their opportunity to battle my immune system.

Last Sunday I wrote a post about plans. We all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I have been doing my best to pray and listen to God about what HIS plans are for me.

Being a teacher isn’t the easiest gig in the world. Yes we get off holidays and summers, but with all the testing that is required by the states, constant funding worries, and the collapse of the education system as a whole, has most of us teachers stressed to the max. Constant training, mounds of paperwork, and worrying about our students has many teachers leaving the profession in large numbers since teaching the students is no longer the main concern, it is how to we get these kids to pass the test! But it can not be that simple, well it is sadly. All students in the state of Texas must pass 5 STAAR test to graduate, 2 English, 1 Math, 1 Science, and 1 History. Every child takes the same test REGARDLESS of their needs although we are told that we must differentiate our instruction. This year for me has been especially difficult as I teach ESL. My poor students basically set up to fail, it breaks my heart. I am only in my 2nd year of teaching and my heart wonders if I am in the right place. For that I continue to pray, as I need to have a good home life and work balance. Like the saying goes, if momma ain’t happy, nobody happy.

Back to the plans. I have prayed everyday and asked others to pray for me that I would hear God and know what to do. Well wouldn’t you know it, while in church Sunday listening to the Youth Pastor talk about needing volunteers to teach the students, he spoke to me. That is where you need to be Morgan. At first I questioned it, like really?? Me?? This isn’t my forte, I barely remember any of the stories…. Ok God, I hear ya. So after church, I gave the youth minister my phone number and said I am here to help. I may not know what I am doing, but I know God won’t leave me behind.

As for my writing, well it is at a stale mate for now. With the book release in a few weeks and needing to storyboard edit Book 2, I have too much on my plate and on my mind to write well.

For now I continue to listen and follow HIS plans.

 

Posted in Life

Plans

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I am not a very religious person, it is something I have a struggled with most of my life. I grew up with the typical Southern background, Church every Sunday, church camp etc. Religion was not something we discussed in my household very often. My granny was a very religious person. There were scriptures on the wall in pretty frames, gospel music playing on the turntable, and a GIANT bible on the coffee table. I always felt it was ASSUMED we understand what church was all about, but I do not ever recall having any real conversations with my family about anything.

As I got older, I fell away from church. My parents got divorced and I found other things to preoccupy my time. When I met my husband, we didn’t talk religion other than mentioning our upbringing. We were not married in a church nor did we attend our first service together until after our daughter was born. You see I went to school for Science. Science and Religion do not mix very well. It is an internal conflict that personally deal with to this day. I do not try to fit into any mold or group, but I believe in both.

When we lived in Gulfport, we found the most wonderful church family. Pastor Claire Dobbs was the reason I came back to the church after so many years away. When we had to move back to Texas, I cried to leave such a wonderful place. Even now when I can’t make it to church, I listen to her sermons on line. As I write this, our family is still trying to find the right fit, but for now we have a little church family we spend our Sundays with along with my mother.

After 4 months away from church, I decided I needed to go and start the week off on a good note. Today the pastor talked about God’s plan for us. What is it? How will we know? When will he tell us?

I am very much a controlling person, meaning I feel the need to control all aspects of my life. That when I am out of control, the world crashes around me. That is my adult ADD and anxiety talking, but as I sat there today, I wondered what my plan for his work may be. You see I do not actually want to control every part of my life, but my difficult brain believes that if I do not control it, that all these bad things will happen to me. Truth is, bad things are going to happen regardless if I do or do not have control of things. Many times in my life, even now, I wonder if I do enough around me, do I need to do more, am I doing too much now.

Today as I bowed my head to pray, I asked God to lead me, use me to do his works, use my talents to bring those closer to you, and to find peace within in my decision to let go. For the first time in forever, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Even at 35, I am still learning my story with God, learning how to work with him, not against him and to finally let go and let GOD.

What parts of your life do you struggle with?