For weeks I have lived in the peace in the moment of my decision, but I find myself wondering why all this to get here. I mean do not get me wrong, the man upstairs knows what he is doing, but did I really need to go through all this to finally find myself and my purpose.
I am not a in the moment tattoo getter person, but when I signed the contract for my 1st book I wanted to document the momentous occasion by having my logo tattooed on me so that I would always remember. Fast forward to now and I was disappointed in myself. Everyday I was seeing this tattoo stare back at me as a reminder of my failure, or what I was perceiving.
I told my husband just the other day of all my tattoos, I regret this one and want to get it covered up ASAP. He said “There is nothing to be ashamed of, it is to celebrate your accomplishment.” Right, to me sadly, my book has been nothing, but a failure. Many people have told me that they loved it, but it was crushed in the writing world as being subpar, career ending, a travesty. Don’t get me wrong, I have thick skin, but geez. Maybe a little constructive criticism would be nice.
For weeks I having been doing my devotions daily, trying to listen to God for my purpose and where I am suppose to be. Am I listening? Did I miss the call? Am I on hold? Can you hear me? The last time he spoke, I heard loud and clear like a principal using a microphone for a crowd. Finally, I stopped stressing and let God know I am here waiting and ready to listen.
To my surprise, this morning while I was in the shower it hit me. It was THERE all along my purpose, I was just looking at it the wrong way. Looking down at my wrist what I first saw was Jean Stone, but when I really looked to see, it was me. The magnify glass shows an apple, my calling as a teacher. Finally, I truly see and feel my calling as a teacher, not that I didn’t before, but deciding to surrender to what God has in store for me is wonderful and nerve wracking all at the same time.
At the end of this month, I start my Master’s. Although this is gonna be the hardest thing I have ever done, it will be rewarding in the end to better myself for my students. For now, I go back to packing as I prepare to head to Vegas this weekend to celebrate my 36th Birthday and my 15th Wedding Anniversary. Hey who says I can’t take a break?