My heart

A few days ago, a post popped up on Facebook. It was from a country artist I have followed over the years will a blog about the anniversary of his wife’s passing. A few years ago, I read a heart felt blog about how this beautiful young mother had decided to stop treatment for her cancer and was going home to live out her days with her family. Joey Feek was a name that I had heard before in the music world as I loved her duet song with her husband, Rory called Cheater Cheater.

Now I don’t keep up with artist personal lives, but that day I stopped and read about the birth of their beautiful daughter, Indiana, her first bout of cancer and then a subsequent diagnosis a short time later that ended up being terminal. Having a young daughter myself, I cried my eyes out for this family I barely knew as they dealt with the difficult task of saying goodbye. I would mourn her death a few short months later praying for her husband and daughter. I sorta kept up with them afterwards for what reason, I don’t know, but I found myself following along with the story. In 2016, the documentary, To Joey with Love, was released in which I was able to watch with a giant box of tissues. I remember thinking, I wish I had her faith in God. I wish I could be that selfless and strong for my family. Yesterday, I watched it again, and again I cried, but this time it was different for me. When they decided to take a year off the road and raise their daughter, they also decided to homestead, living off their land and growing close with the town they lived in.

Why does this resonate with me? Because my dream has always been to have a house on some land and homestead myself. If you know me, you would think, Morgan, you? I don’t see that happening. Could you live without internet, tv? You write, you teach why retreat to the land?

Simple, to live an authentic life. To cook the food I grow, stop the hustle and bustle of life, and grow closer with God. Life has so many interferences. While working is vital and I have no plan to quit teaching or writing, I am tired of the keeping up with the jones part of life.

While yes technology is great for somethings, it takes us away from being present. A necessary evil so to speak. I am just as guilty of coming home and scrolling through the pages of mindless news, everything negative and bad, no joy. Yet like a train wreck, I can not turn away and find myself yearning to turn the screen back on. Did I post enough today? Did it reach enough people? Did I interact? How many likes? Seriously, that is my concern?

God has a wonderful sense of humor, while writing this post, my internet went out for over an hour. At first I was furious, I really wanted to talk about this stuff and here technology failed and then I laughed as I realized, HE was giving me a reality check. Yes I could live without internet, but it was going to be harder than it seemed.Oh but what an adventure it would be. Now do not get me wrong, I have had a wonderful life. I am just yearning for a life of more moments and less materials.

I feel I am missing out on life just trying to keep up with it. Working to the bone and for what? Possessions I won’t be able to take with me, a house that is always cluttered because we need this or that, hoping someday to stop the rat race of life. Turning to social media to have relationships when people are right in front of me. Who have I become?

Lately I have been asking what is next when I should be asking myself what is his plan? God’s plan is already there waiting for me. I need to stop looking for the next best thing and be like Joey, relying on my faith in God.

The Feek’s put their faith in that God had a great story for them. He did, a story that inspired many like myself over the years. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but HE does and like The Feeks, I will put my faith that God has a great story for me. I just need to have a little faith.

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